A different version of Between Frames...
It's a somber one this month. Sorry... that's life.
TW // death, suicide
I had fully written and scheduled a regular post for this month, full of all the images that I’ve made in the past few weeks. Throughout the writing process, I had this feeling that something wasn’t quite right.
So, I’m going to listen to that voice and talk about something different. Something that’s harder to discuss, but that’s heavily influenced my photography.
It’d mean the world if you stuck around and read through this whole newsletter. Let’s get this story started.
Leon Leonard Gyles (1946-2023)
My dad passed away one year ago, to the day (August 31st).
He chose to end his own life.
It felt like (& still feels like) a punch in the gut. Sometimes it doesn’t even feel real. It has, however, always felt like we were robbed, specifically robbed from the opportunity for there to be healing in our relationship.
Suicide is something that no one knows how to deal with. It carries immense levels of pain, confusion, and frustration. Processing death (especially, suicide) is a lonely road that only you can walk. It’s a really long journey that never has an ending and that requires community, therapy, and so much grace.
In no surprise to anyone, I’ve been using photography as a way to cope.
There’s a few big projects or themes that have stood out to me.
“What made him & what broke him”
The project’s name is TBD. I really have no clue what direction I want to take things, but I do know that I want to document the things that Leon grew up in & where he lived when he died.
My father’s mental & emotional health are some things that never went very deep. I never knew him to have many deep emotions; he grew up emotionally stunted. So, when he committed suicide, it sadly came as no surprise.
He simply did not know how to process emotion in a healthy way. And that’s really sad.
Soooooooo, to do what I can to tell this story, I’m starting on a photo project. I want to document the things that made Leon who he was and I want to interweave those photos with images and parts of the story of what caused my dad to break.
It’s going to be a hard, heavy, long project that I don’t anticipate will ever really be finished.
In the meantime, here are some of those images.
Laurinburg, NC
I intentionally made (most of) these frames void of people/human interaction. Leon’s body isn’t present on the Earth anymore, so I wanted that lacking to be felt.
These frames are a bit boring and void. Unfortunately, that’s what a lot of Laurinburg was like. Laurinburg is the county seat of a small, rural NC county, named “Scotland.” Scotland county has about 35,000 people living in it and is quite sad. There’s high levels of crime, poverty, and brokenness. With those statistics, it’s not necessarily “a happy place to live.”
Pleasant Lake, MI
My dad grew up in (& on) Pleasant Lake. This water is part of his DNA, so when I thought about where to create some images to remember his childhood, I ended up here. I was only able to have a few hours in Pleasant Lake (we were on our way to Niagara), but the time there was special. Here’s those images…
I want this story to tell my father’s whole story: the good and the bad. He was a heavily-burdened man, who struggled with so so much.
At the same time, he taught me so so much and I was blessed to have tons of amazing experiences with him. Pleasant Lake was part of the good; both him and I grew up here having plenty of great experiences. Just as the name suggests, it’s always pleasant.
I’m planning on sharing the “normal” Between Frames in the middle of this month. Until then, thank you for taking the time to read this story.
I’ll see ya next month!
Peace & blessings.
-Chase
Chase, I’m so sorry for this loss of your dad. I’m sure it’s never easy but the anniversary is probably harder. This is a beautiful way to commemorate his story. Praying for comfort and healing for you.